1. drive into your driveway and go into your house
2. go to bed
3. look out of window and see:


4. waddle your fat ass out and move your car round the corner
5. return home and realise they will see your car in the morning
6. waddle your fat ass out and start the car
7. take it out of gear and try again
8. drive the car past the scene ...

Hi I dont know about anyone else but I think this section should be withdrawn as I am fast loosing my sense of humour (only kidding).

A man charges into a bank wearing a balaclava and wielding a handgun.

He shouts "this is a raid - everyone get on the floor!!", and proceeds to empty the cash drawers.

As he runs towards the door with the loot, a brave customer yanks off his balaclava. The robber immediately shoots the customer in the head and shouts... "Did anybody else here see my face?"

The robber notices another customer peering from behind a ...

sod that
http://www.andalucia.com/antequera/chorro/home.htm

FIRM I USE FOR SHORT TERM INSURANCE SENT ME THIS GAME MIGHT KEEP YOU OCCUPIED FOR A FEW MINUTES ...

IVE BEEN AT IT FOR 10 MINUTES AND NOT BORED YET MAYBE THAT SAYS ALOT ABOUT ME :?

HERE IT IS:
http://www.insuredaily.co.uk/games/cvn.html


MY TOP SCORE 197.11

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven. At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."

Arthur though about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God."

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him ...

I had to laugh at this and share it with others.
http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=V29aDnQlPWk

The following are not my words but copied off the tinternet!

A lot of people can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in our country.
~~~
Well, there's a very simple answer.
~~~
Nobody bothered to check the oil.
~~~
We just didn't know we were getting low.
~~~
The reason for that is purely geographical.
~~~

Our OIL is located in the North Sea
~~~
Our DIPSTICKS are located in ...

Interesting facts

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it !)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 ...

A moral tale: The Squirrel & The Grasshopper

The real world version

The squirrel works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building and improving his house and laying up supplies for the winter. The Grasshopper thinks he's a fool, and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the squirrel is warm and well fed.

The shivering grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

The ...